Strengthening Family Ties

Family relationships are often under a great deal of stress. Balancing work, school, and other activities can take a real toll on both parents and children. Outside events, such as the tragic happenings of September 11, can also be an unrealized source of tension and anxiety.

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If we aren't careful, all these strains can result in weakened relationships within the family. Too often we put family time on the back burner, as we juggle the many activities packed into our daily schedules. Problems can begin to develop unnoticed and soon a family has grown apart. Yet there are simple ways to strengthen family ties and avoid such problems.

One simple and effective way to keep on top of a family's "growing pains" is to hold family meetings. Hold them often enough to work out everyday hassles (such as chores, errands, schedules, etc.). Typically, twice a month is enough, although this may be adjusted according to each family's needs. Regular meetings allow rules to be established and modified, activities planned and scheduled, and problems worked out. Family meetings can be fun, keep the family connected, and eliminate problems and keep a family running smoothly.

Before you begin holding meetings, decide on the ground rules. These can include requiring attendance by everyone, having only one person speak at a time, no yelling, name-calling, accusing or blaming, and having everyone make an effort to give helpful solutions.

Be creative when introducing the idea of regular meetings to your family. Maybe give them a special name, such as calling it a "family campfire." Hold your meetings someplace that is comfortable and free of distractions - maybe in a circle in the backyard or in the living room. Include a special treat as part of the meeting. Avoid chaos with fun gimmicks, such as having an object, maybe a small teddy bear, that gives the person holding it the right to talk, while the others remain silent until the object reaches them.

Begin family meetings on a positive note. Have each person share one exciting or special thing that happened to them since the last meeting. Next, allow each member to share one complaint or concern they have. Once a problem is aired, other members can give possible solutions when it's their turn to speak. Draw from these suggestions or use a combination of them to help solve the problems presented. Continue to discuss other family business in this manner. Have meetings end with each person sharing one thing they appreciate about the other family members or thanking other members for something said or done since the last meeting.

Another way to strengthen family ties is having a real family dinner once a week. Everyone should participate in preparing the meal and contribute to setting the table in a special way (candles, flowers, a child's handmade place setting or other art, etc.). Turn off the television and don't answer the phone. Make this a time to share positive stories. Avoid discussing problems and sensitive issues.

A family game night is another fun and inexpensive way to connect with each other. Make popcorn or other fun snacks and enjoy each others' company for the evening. Alternate which games are played, so everyone has the chance to play his or her favorite game. Again, turn off the television and don't answer the phone!

Family ties can also be improved through more personal attention. Set aside a few minutes each day, or an hour once a week, for one-on-one time with your children and your mate. It may seem hard to find the time, but with a little planning everyone can have a special time to give and receive undivided attention. One-on-one time with your mate is extremely important and should be at the top of your priority list. A strong relationship with your partner will provide a good role model for your children and aid in keeping a strong family bond.

In today's busy and often stressful world, staying connected with our mates and children is often not an easy task. Yet with simple efforts, it can be done and the benefits it can pay are enormous. Our mates and children should be the most important people in our lives and the source of a great deal of happiness. It's worth working at family ties to ensure that we are enjoying our family members and getting the most from those relationships.

Sharlene Hill is a graduate student in the Marriage and Family Counseling program at the University of Nevada, Reno.