Kids and Chores - It's Worth the Trouble

What parent hasn't faced the hassle of getting the kids to do assigned chores? Often getting the chores done seems more work for us than the actual chores are for them. And while just doing the chores ourselves may sometimes seem easier, it's not the right answer. Ensuring that kids do assigned tasks is a key factor in helping children develop and grow in positive ways.

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Even simple chores can play a vital role in our children's development and in promoting a positive and supportive family environment. Chores connect the child, even at a young age, to the family unit. When your child does chores, he or she is helping the family and learning to be an important part of it. That's an important step in the development of self-esteem and family esteem, and helps lead to feeling like an active and contributing member of society later in life.

Completing assigned chores also teaches responsibility and meeting expectations. However, it's very important to make the chores age and skill-appropriate so that the child will have every chance to succeed at assigned tasks.

While you should expect assigned chores to be completed thoroughly and correctly, such expectations should be realistic. Act the perfectionist and you're setting your child up for failure, unable to meet your expectations. Go too easy and say, "Okay, at least you tried," regardless of the effort or results, and you're teaching your child to have low expectations about his or her ability to perform.

But when assigned chores are appropriate to the child's age and abilities, they provide an opportunity for successful completion and a positive experience. Encourage your child to try his or her best, and provide initial assistance to help ensure success. Then continue to monitor and provide feedback and encouragement. Helping your children enjoy the praise and rewards of a job well done will reinforce this type of positive behavior.

Chores also provide an important lesson in learning life skills. Cleaning a room, clearing the table, or doing dishes may be simple things, but are still important and useful skills that teach lessons of value and use for later in life.

This learning process can start early. Young pre-schoolers can be expected to clean up their toys or begin to dress themselves. As your children grow, their chore responsibilities can also grow appropriately. By the teen years, helping with the laundry, cutting the lawn, and watching younger children, or other family chores should be age-appropriate and expected.

Successfully completing assigned chores, and getting positive reinforcement for the work, is related to building self-esteem, family bonding and growth in self-confidence. Successful completion of chores provides an opportunity for verbal praise and a reward, even if the reward is only a small thing. The point is to let your child know that his or her work has been noticed and appreciated. This feedback promotes family bonding and increases self-esteem and confidence.

A system of family chores, therefore, also means important parental responsibilities. Parents must assign age- and skill-appropriate chores, establish a system of rewards, take the time to monitor assigned chores, and offer honest praise for work well done, and not just lectures when chores are missed.

And while a successful chore system takes effort, it's worth it and not just for the work accomplished. It will help your child realize his potential, a place in the family and self-worth. You should also be realistic and not expect your end of the bargain to get easier as time goes on. As your child becomes a teen and develops more personal interests, it often takes more energy to motivate and monitor in regard to assigned chores.

Regardless of your child's age, a good starting point is sitting down and discussing expectations - what's to be done and when, and what rewards are available. Sometimes writing up a contract and posting it on the refrigerator can be a good motivator (and way to avoid later arguments).

Assigned family chores, regardless of your child's age, provide an excellent learning experience for both parents and children. Family and societal values are learned best when taught by example. Using chores to provide self-esteem building tasks can help teach many important aspects of what you hope your children will become.

Jeff Gold is a licensed professional counselor and a nationally certified counselor who specializes in working with anxiety and mood disorders, as well as dealing with child and family issues. He is in private practice at a medical center in Tennessee.
The American Counseling Association is the nation's largest organization of counseling professionals, with more than 50,000 members nationwide. Additional information for consumers and counseling professionals is available through the ACA web site at www.counseling.org