Is It Time To Talk With Your Kids About Drugs?

Parenting involves a wide range of responsibilities - everything from keeping your children well fed and safe, to providing a solid foundation that will help them grow into responsible, caring and happy adults. Many parenting responsibilities involve serious discussions with your kids, discussions that can be difficult, frustrating, even embarrassing.

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Talking with your kids about drugs is one such discussion, and one that is critical in our current society. It isn't something that can simply be left to the schools or churches to handle. It's only when parents take an active role in discouraging drug usage that real progress can be made.

Many parents are surprised at how early a discussion about drugs is necessary. Yet today, it's not uncommon for children as young as eight years old to have their first experience with some type of drug. Activities such as inhaling household products are common among elementary school-age kids, and experimenting with cigarettes, marijuana or alcohol is also on the increase. These are often called "gateway drugs" because research indicates that their use may lead to the use of other, more serious drugs.

But when is the right time to begin talking with our kids about such issues? From about five years of age, most children have the ability to comprehend some basic concepts. They're old enough to understand what substances are considered drugs, such as cigarettes, alcohol, and household products, and to understand explanations of why these substances are harmful, especially for children. Such early discussions provide a foundation that you can build on by adding age-appropriate details as your child grows.

By the second or third grade, it's a good idea to incorporate a "plan of action" (POA) into your discussions. A POA is a plan your child has helped prepare and practice, and is ready to use when confronted with a situation involving drugs.

You can help your child develop a POA, by asking questions such as, "What would you do if a friend wanted you to try drugs?" and "How would you feel about that person?" Discuss the thoughts and feelings your child may experience when confronted with drugs, and help your child label and understand such feelings. This can help your child from being caught off guard when a situation occurs in the real world. Allow your child as much time as needed to come up with several responses.

Listen carefully to the answers your child gives - they're important clues you will use to help your child develop a POA. But don't criticize or correct answers, regardless of what they are! When an answer is less than what you hoped for, use it as an opportunity to help explore alternatives.

Also use broader questions, such as, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and "How do you think drugs might interfere with these goals (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, etc.)?" Let your children know you understand their feelings with statements such as, "I know you to want to fit in," and "It's natural to be curious."

Role-playing is a great way to give your kids practice in turning down drugs. Lead it off by saying, "I wonder what you can say and do when refusing drugs?" Take turns being the one to offer the drugs and the one turning them down, practicing various responses.

You may also find it helps to involve other families in role playing. Often kids will find it more interesting and fun if a group of parents and kids practice a POA. If your child and his or her friends practice sticking together, they can reverse peer pressure in their favor!

It's also important to remember that talking about drugs is not a one-time activity. It's a good idea to revisit the subject every few months or even more often. This allows for open communication and a chance to revise and practice the POA as necessary.

Parenting also means providing an appropriate model. Young children may accept your actions being different than theirs, but teens are often in a "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" stage of development. A bad example on your part can undermine a great deal. If you or someone in your family is struggling with the use of a substance, consider professional counseling and involving the entire family when working through this issue.

Sharlene Hill is completing her graduate studies in Community Counseling at the University of Nevada, Reno.
The American Counseling Association is the nation's largest organization of counseling professionals, with more than 50,000 members nationwide. Additional information for consumers and counseling professionals is available through the ACA web site at www.counseling.org