What Should I Say? Talking to a Friend Who May Be Struggling with an Eating Disorder
From the National Eating Disorders Association
If you are worried about your friend's eating behaviors or
attitudes, then it is appropriate for you to express your concerns to her in
a loving and supportive way. It is important to handle these issues with
honesty and respect. It is also important to discuss your worries early on,
rather than waiting until your friend has endured many of the damaging
physical and emotional effects of eating disorders.
In a private and relaxed setting, talk to your friend calm and
caring way about the specific things you have seen or felt that have made you
worry.
- Share your memories
of two or three specific times when you felt concerned, afraid, or
uneasy because of her eating rituals.
- Talk about the
feelings you experienced as a result of these events.
Try to do this in a very supportive, non-confrontational way. Here are
three suggestions:
- Use "I"
statements. For example: "I'm concerned about you because you
refuse to eat breakfast or lunch." or "It makes me afraid to
hear you vomiting."
- Avoid accusational
"You" statements. For example: "You have to eat
something!" " You must be crazy!" or "You're out of
control!"
- Avoid giving simple
solutions. For example: "If you'd just stop, everything would be
fine!"
If your
friend has become obsessed with eating, exercising, or dieting, she probably
needs professional help. Your friend may be angry that you are questioning
her attitudes and behaviors. Your friend may deny that there is a problem. If
your friend won't listen to your concerns, you may need to tell someone else
-- someone who can help. Consider talking to your friend's parents, a
teacher, a doctor, a counselor, a nutritionist, or any trusted adult. Your
friend needs as much support and understanding as possible from the people in
her life.
For more information, contact Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention, Inc. at 603 Stewart St., Suite 803, Seattle, WA 98101, 1-800-931-2237. www.nationaleatingdisorders.org © 2000 EDAP
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