You've Reached Mid-Life, but Is It a Crisis?
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by Dr. Samuel T. Gladding
Have you hit mid-life yet? It's a hard term to define. For adolescents, mid-life may appear to begin at 30; for adults in their forties, mid-life may be something that starts at 50. While most life span specialists place mid-life somewhere between 35 and 65, age is actually only a part of being in mid-life.
More important may be the feelings you have of being between your youth and being a senior citizen. And what really matters is what you do with those emotions.
For most people, mid-life is a bit of a surprise. Despite what the calendar says, they do not feel older. But they are also somewhat disconcerted that they are no longer seen as youthful and that they may have even lost some energy.
There are probably as many reactions to mid-life as there are people in the age span. The approach a person takes to being a member of this category is tied to their temperament and the value they place on growing older. If a person is mild mannered and sees aging as associated with gaining wisdom, mid-life will be a positive experience. On the other hand, if the person is emotionally volatile and places a lot of value on the virtues of youth, such as looks and strength, mid-life may be unwelcome and seen as devastating.
Is reaching mid-life a crisis in your life? One way to judge is how you respond to statements such as:
- I envy young adults in their 20s who are free from major responsibilities.
- I dread meeting high school or college friends because it reminds me of how much they and I have changed.
- I use facial creams and hair dyes to hide my wrinkles and gray hair.
- I like to hang out with the younger crowd because it helps me stay young.
While an affirmative answer to any of these sentences does not indicate that mid-life is problematic, a pattern of life that revolves around the denial of aging or an attempt to hide it, can signal that this age range is troublesome for you.
However, it doesn't have to be a problem time in your life. There are things you can do to gain a more positive attitude about maturing, to affirm mid-life and live with it more comfortably:
- Make a list of lessons you have learned since adolescence and how this knowledge has served you (i.e., your success at work or your ease at social gatherings).
- Explore new healthy activities that can help you feel healthy and relaxed - jogging, swimming, or meditation, for example
- Become involved with children (whether your own or in the community) and teach them skills you learned at their age.
- Examine new goals, both individual and social, that you would like to achieve, then plan to achieve those goals over the next few years.
If you find you are depressed or discouraged by the aging process, talk the matter over with those who are older or a friend that you trust who is about your same age. There is often comfort and insight in such conversations if you allow enough time. Keeping a journal of how you are growing as a person can also be beneficial.
Mid-life becomes a crisis when your inability to accept your age and the changes it has brought to your life becomes the source of severe depression, or appears to be leading to sudden, not well-thought out (and possibly negative) actions. That is when it can be important to turn to a counselor or other mental health professionals. These professionals can't stop the aging process, but can assist you in coming to terms with those aspects of your life that give you difficulty as you age.
Regardless of the course you take in dealing with mid-life, remember there is much to be gained during these years. Losing some of the angst of youth can have a calming effect and lead to a clearer vision of more important dimensions of one's personhood that are worth developing. Handled correctly, mid-life can be a breath of fresh air as you realize you no longer have to worry about being relevant or radical in society, and are more free to be just who you want to be instead of pretending or acting out a role.
Dr, Gladding is Professor of Counselor Education at Wake Forest University, Winston-Salem, North Carolina, and the author of the book, Counseling as an Art: The Creative Arts in Counseling.
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