Be a Great Listener!

Obstacles to Listening

It isn't enough to just hear what someone is saying. Mistakes on exams, interviews and personal relationships come from poor listening skills. Think about what goes through your mind as you hear someone speak. Wondering what you will say next, how long this will take, what you are having for lunch are only a few of the distractions that pop into our heads and keep us from truly listening.

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How to Be a Great Listener

Great listening skills need to be developed! You will need to make a commitment to learn how to become a great listener, it doesn't happen by accident.

Focus! People are easily distracted by nature. Develop the habit of "catching" yourself when your thoughts wander. This will require discipline, attention and practice. Create an environment with fewer distractions. Turn off the television or radio. Move physically to an isolated or private spot.

Focus and concentration aren't the only issues. Our natural impulse is to filter information through our own experiences. This is a big problem! No two people possess identical perspectives. Therefore all information is subject to interpretation. These biases can be the foundation for minor communication problems or larger social issues.

Additionally, sometimes you might hear something that turns you off, stops you from maintaining your interest in the conversation. This happens all the time. Unfortunately, if you stop listening, you might miss interesting information or common ground that you were unaware of.

Stop talking! The primary obstacle to listening is TALKING! If you interrupt, ramble on, or dominate a social interaction you will disrupt any chance of really knowing what is on someone's mind. It doesn't take long for someone to disengage from a conversation if they aren't allowed to express themselves.

Keep an open mind! Even the world's most successful people can learn something from everyone. Recognize that your reference points are biased by nature. Gain new reference points from the eyes of others.

Ask questions! Most people struggle to provide information in a clear concise manner. They may have valuable information and need a little help delivering it. Use questions to help clarify statements. Keep asking for a better explanation or more information. Don't be afraid to use non-verbal questioning as someone is speaking. In other words, look "puzzled" or hesitant while they are speaking and more often than not they will respond with better clarification.

Provide feedback! When a person is done speaking, summarize the important points as you heard them. This process will help to gain agreement and most importantly help to identify any disconnects. So often two people will come away from a conversation after hearing the same words with a completely different interpretation of the conversation. The simple process of re-stating key points is critical.

Observe/watch! Use your intuition and senses to assess the situation better. Body language is as important as the spoken word in communication. If the words are inconsistent with the expression on their face or their posture you may have a problem! Use body language to help determine the "true" status of the conversation.